KesheAt Omeret Lo

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Hebrew: כשאת אומרת לא (When You Say "No"). Partner dance by Shlomo Maman, 1984. The ADB also reports a partner dance by Itzik Sa'ada in the same year, which is the only one recognized by Rokdim.

The dance is unremarkable.

The song was written in 1962, far predating the dance. The music is by Alexander (Sasha) Argov and is typically complex (see discussion at Shir HaHaflaga.) The lyrics are by Dan Almagor, who also wrote lyrics to Eich Hu Shar, Kol HaKavod, and others, and who is better known for his plays and for translations of plays from English to Hebrew.

In the lyrics, the speaker is a man addressing a woman who has presumably just rejected him:

When you say "No", what do you mean? ...
Do you really mean "No"?
Perhaps you mean "Maybe, but not now"
Or perhaps the "No" means only "Not yet" ...
Maybe it means "Come here"!
Because you say "No" so gracefully
That it sounds to me even more inviting than "Yes"!

... plus three more verses in the same vein, reflecting the macho Israeli attitude of the time. All in good fun.

In August 1988, 14-year-old Yael Greenberg of Kibbutz Shomrat was both gang-raped and one-on-one raped over a period of four days by eleven boys, ages 16 to 18, some but not all from Shomrat. Most of the boys were quickly arrested but the Haifa District Court Prosecutor's office declined to prosecute for "lack of public interest". Eventually, in 1991, the case was reopened and six of the boys were charged. At the trial, Yael was asked if she had said "no" to the rapists. She replied definitely that she had. The defense attorney then quoted the lyrics of KesheAt Omeret Lo to demonstrate that although she said "no", her "no" might really mean "yes". The defendants were acquitted.[1]

Dan Almagor, aghast at this use of his song, added a fifth verse whose message contradicts the others:

When she says "No", that's what she means! ...
Her "No" is final, definite, because she decides, not any court. ...
She's not hinting "Yes" or "Maybe" or "Come".
When she says "No" she means "No"!

The case was appealed to the Supreme Court, which reversed the verdict and sentenced four of the boys to terms of fifteen to eighteen months. In his decision, Judge Mishael Cheshen brought up the song only to completely reject its implications:

Is it so? Is "no" a "maybe"? Is "no" really "come"? Is "no" a "yes", and "even more inviting than 'yes'"? ... "No" is always "No". There is no "No" which is "Yes". There is no sighted blind person, no sober drunk, no stupid wise person, no yielding stubborn person. There is no black that is white and no night that is day. "No" is "No".

This case set the precedent that a man must verify express consent from a woman before sexual contact, otherwise it is rape.

Yael Greenberg made several failed attempts at suicide after the tragedy. She died in 2013, mother of five and grandmother of three.

Notes and Links

  1. There were additional reasons for the acquittal, and not all sources agree that the song was cited at this first trial.

Song lyrics and translation (including fifth verse)

Lyrics to Frank Loesser's 1944 hit "Baby, It's Cold Outside" on the same topic, showing that this mindset is universal

Dan Almagor interviewed (in Hebrew) on the song and on his addition of a fifth verse. (He attributes the inspiration for the original to "Reader's Digest" magazine.)

Hebrew Wikipedia article on the rapes at Shomrat

Rachel Korazim of the Hartman institute examines the treatment of gender in Israeli music, discussing this song among others (in English)

KesheAt Omeret Lo at israelidances.com (Maman)

KesheAt Omeret Lo at israelidances.com (Sa'ada)